I started 2014 with high hopes. I was certain it’s gonna be my year, but my hopes came crashing down when I faced three major problems– 1- financing the construction of our house in Bataan (ang mahala mahal mahal pala magpagawa ng bahay kahit sa probinsya), 2- change of responsibilities in the office (I was asked to handle employee referrals after years of handling job fairs and events), and 3- the death of my underground bestfriend slash platonic love of my life, Oryx.
The first two had me struggling and the last left me heartbroken. The last also gave the biggest impact. Ang pera, mag-sipag ka lang, kikitain. Ang trabaho, basta tutukan, natutunan. Pero ang tao, kapag wala na, wala na talaga. Oryx’s death taught me to be more appreciative of the life I was given- including the challenges that come along with it. Ika nga, I was given this life because I’m strong enough to live it. And no doubt, 2014 tested my strength, especially my strength in keeping the faith.
I often asked God last year when would I see His promises to me fulfilled. And often times, I hated myself for asking Him, because it just emphasized my doubt and fear. I hated that my fear was always bigger than my faith and that my impatience kicked in each time I faced a difficult situation. Pagod na pagod na kasi ako. I wanted a break. I knew in my heart that every challenge He allowed was for my character building, and that He would equip me to come out strong, but in the many years that I was sucking up and dealing with so many conflicts, I couldn’t help but question if I would really be able to emerge victorious.
A little past mid-year, just right after another heartache, I was frustrated and borderline depressed and asked for a sign. He gave it to me the following day and being the doubter that I was, I was reluctant to admit that it’s really the answer I’ve been waiting for so long. I was scared. If it’s what I was waiting for and I failed to take care of it, would I lose it? And worse, regret forever? I had to review all the lessons I learned and gauge how a 32 year old should react to and act on something that screamed divine intervention. So I decided to take the plunge. Keber na kung hindi ako marunong lumangoy. Jesus walks on water, and He is my lifeguard.
By August, our house in Bataan started to shape up. nagmumukha na talagang bahay. Hindi na sad gray pile of hollowblocks in the middle of the fields of Morong. Nagka-vegetable garden na. May flowers na rin ako sa paligid. It’s still a work in progress, but seeing it improve every time I go home gives me a sense of pride. Mahal nga magpagawa ng bahay pero nakikita ko naman kung saan napupunta ang pinaghihirapan ko. At lalo na, it gives my parents joy. And I love my parents so very much.
I also got over the neophyte feeling in my new career task. I am grateful for the people who made me realize that handling employee referrals is not just about recruitment, but also about employee engagement. Doble ang fulfillment kasi nakakatulong na sa pagkakaron ng bagong emplyedo, nakakatulong pa para magkaron ng passive income ang mga present employees. And thank You, Lord, I was given a performance award last December for my contribution to the company.
And the most amazing thing that happened in 2014? I met someone that I did not friendzone and did not friendzone me, albeit we started off as friends, and for a time I was afraid it will end there. I met someone who fell in love with me and I also fell in love with. Iba talaga kapag si God ang nag-promise. Kahit na mukhang malabo ang sitwasyon, He will make things possible, with little or no struggle. By the last month of 2014, I was in a relationship with Miko. I’m overjoyed that our loved ones are glad that we are together. Feeling ko nga, kinulit ni Oryx si God to send me Miko. :p
I’m still in awe of how my life dramatically changed in a year. Of course, the years prior prepared me for the blessing that I overtly received in the second half of 2014. Some will say the promises were delayed, but I believe they were fulfilled in the perfect time. And what’s the perfect time? The time when I was ready. It’s now 2015 and I know that there will still be struggles. My renewed confidence will meet whatever challenges this new year has in store. If I can make it in 2014, 2015 shouldn’t be a problem!
Have a blessed 2015 to all!
// listening to No Doubt – Simple Kind of Life