Clearing My Head

Tonight, I am alone with my thoughts and a bottle of beer (more to follow) in a bar near my place.

I need to clear my head. I need to really know that the decisions I made in the past few weeks are right. That I did not pop a question to someone just to pull a string of consequences that will lead him to examine his life, weigh choices, and make a decision that’s congruent to mine only to hurt people in the process.

God knows I’ve waited too long (well, I guess just the right amount of time according to His will) to get what I have always wanted. And just when I thought that the blessing has already been presented to me, something happens to complicate it. To threaten it.
I hope this is just a minor bump in the road in the journey to the long and lasting kind of love. (Yuck, ang cheesy, but this is me. Cheesy is good.)

My friend who’s a priest once told me (after I told him about my matters of the heart dilemma) that if I prayed to God in faith and He answers my prayer, I should take the gift regardless of the imperfections that seem to go along with it. He said that if keep on praying to God and keep on working with Him, then that gift will be made perfect. He said that I am a steward of that gift, and I should take care of it and protect it with all my might.

This is me being scared. This is me being afraid that I might fail in fighting for that gift. That I might be wrong again even if every fiber in my being screams that I am finally right this time. That God has made everything right because He loves me very much, despite my imperfections, especially my quivering faith.

My faith should be bigger than my fear. I know I should have gone praying instead of drinking first. But anyway, cheers God. Thank You, that I got to clear my head just right before I publish this post.

// listening to some NBA game


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