The Disappointment That is Don Jon

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Joseph Gordon-Levitt has stolen my heart (and eyes, hehe) since 500 Days of Summer so I was very much excited and intrigued when I heard of this movie. This movie, as it turns out, is a brazen romantic comedy about porn. JGL directs and stars here.

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Don Jon is a guy who has no trouble getting any girl, thus he earned the nickname from his buddies. And Jon is an in denial porn junkie. Like all men, maybe. Maybe.

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His relationships are affected because of his addiction. He likes porn better than actual sex. There’s a lot of boobs, butts, humps and pumps in this movie. But there are still more in The Wolf of Wall Street.

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Porn junkie falls in love with Barbara (Scarlett Johansson) but finds that he still couldn’t stop watching porn. I mean, what’s wrong with him? She’s HOT. Oh yeah, she’s a pretty, smart, controlling bitch who won’t let him clean because it’s unsexy, and hates porn because it’s disgusting and pathetic.

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Besides porn, the other things important to him is his family, his bros, his church, his pad, his car, and working out. I becae more amused in his relationship with his family than his whole porn ordeal. Tony Danza (so 80’s hahaha) plays his dad here.

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He meets Julianne Moore’s character who’s just recently widowed. This is where I was already beginning to cringe. I prayed that it won’t be predictable but damn. DAMN. Cougar sex and smoking weed. UGH. Was I expecting something artsy? I guess. I didn’t see that at all.

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So Jon realizes that he just needs to lose himself in a woman who will also lose herself to him and that woman isn’t Barbara. And fuck yeah, it’s the older woman. But basically, all I really understood are missionary is boring and giving head is essential. The point is? (There is none.)

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He stopped watching porn and continued seeing the older woman. Enter corny making love frames and romantic drives. Uhhh… Okaaaay… I think I spent almost 2 hours waiting for something important to happen. Didn’t happen. Zzzzzz. Sorry, JGL. I heart you but not this.

// listening to Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch – Good Vibrations

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