Some of you might think that this isn’t an upworthy milestone that deserves 120 Facebook likes (and counting, hehehe) but it is definitely a huge achievement for me and my closest few.
I started smoking when I was 14. Thought before I lit that Marlboro Menthol, “Try lang ito”. Unfortunately, I liked it. I loved it. I craved for it until I became a regular smoker when I was 16. I was a chainsmoker by 18. I consumed 1 to 2 packs a day. Di bale nang hindi kumain, basta may pang-yosi at pang-Coke.
I made my mother cry angry, frustrated tears because of it. Made my daddy ground me and cut my allowance into half because of it. Still managed to support my then-favorite vice though.
I thought of quitting several times. After being confined because of pneumonia when I was 25, I managed 2 months of zero cigz. It was easy because I was basically on house arrest while recovering. When I was finally able to go out and see my friends, I couldn’t take being a passive smoker and I started smoking again. Winston was my buddy.
I tried again when I was 28. Two months again of zero cancer sticks until I stepped on the weighing scale and saw that I gained 10lbs. I was ready to say goodbye to smoking but I was not at all ready for the weight gain that usually goes with it. I smoked immediately after I stepped off the scale.
I had numerous attempts of quitting, stopping, minimizing, blah blah blah. I tried substituting with lollipops. (Oral fixation daw eh.) I tried not hanging out with smokers. I even had a bet with someone who also wanted to stop, that the first caught smoking will treat the other to a dinner in Circles. I won, but I ended up going back to the habit eventually.
But things were specially different last year. As any life changing story begins, it all started out with beer a boy. I met someone that I really, really liked. It made me feel guilty when I’d offer him a cig and he’d smoke it even if I know that he didn’t want to smoke anymore. Nakakahiya. Ako pa talaga ang bad influence. I think we were in BGC when he said ayaw na talaga niyang manigarilyo. Paninindigan na daw niya. I ended up smoking alone. As I was looking at him and our friend from the smoking area, I thought, if he can do it, so can I.
That, and like I said, I really liked him. I guess some people are annointed to speed up implementing the changes that we ought to make and commit to. He really made me want to become a better person. You can label the reason whatever you want but I just really am thankful and grateful to him.
It took a few more weeks, an electronic cigarette with mentjol drops and lots of prayers before that September 25 morning when I woke up thinking I didn’t care anymore if I was gonna be around smokers and I was prepared to get fat gain weight already.
The first few days were hard especially when some would mock me and tell me WEH?! DI NGA? TOTOONG QUIT NA ‘YAN? Couldn’t blame ’em. I failed many times so naturally, it was difficult for them to believe when I said ayoko na. Ayoko na talaga.
What made this time different are the authentic willingless to trash the habit because of the deep desire to change and the 120% discipline that comes from the commitment I have made to the better Iya that I want to become.
I’d like to thank him for inspiring me to quit. I don’t know if he has gone back to smoking or if he is keeping his word to quit. I wouldn’t know. I removed him from my Facebook and phonebook recently. That’s a different story though. Wait for it. Hahaha.
Thanks to my friends for not asking me to smoke with them anymore. Buti naman gets na nila na hindi nila talaga na ako mapapayosi! :p And thanks for telling me I look better now that I am not skinny anymore. Super palubag loob sa pagtaba ko ‘yan.
Thanks to my parents for showing me how glad they are that I already stopped smoking. Their joy motivates me to say goodbye to my other bad habits.
And of course, thanks to God for allowing my heart to be broken just to save my lungs. Hahaha! And for always reminding me that He is in control and always offering me strength and encouragement when I feel I cannot go on any longer.
A shallow milestone, it may seem, but my goodness! I am so happy! I still cannot believe that it’s been a year!
Happy anniv to my happy lungs and I today. Looking forward to more smoke-free years!
*featured image grabbed from Tumblr
// listening to Kings of Leon – Notion