It’s been a week since I heard Him tell me to go back to St. Paul The Apostle Chapel and give thanks for February 19, 2013 even if I do not know yet the plans He has for that day. (I still do not know what extra special thing He did last Tuesday.)
Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) says faith is the confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. It’s my fervent prayer that my faith in Him will grow more and more everyday. I know that He is faithful and He will not abandon me especially in times that I desperately seek Him. I also know that He is patient with me in times that doubt starts to cloud my mind. There are moments when past failures, negative people, and impatience rattle me. I know He is patient with me because He lavishly loves me and He knows there is no place I’d rather be than on His side. He encourages me to keep on believing through reminding me of past prayers that He answered and by giving me surprises that my finite mind would have never even imagined!
And so, even if some of my friends and even some of my family tell me that I am asking God for the impossible, I will keep on believing because nothing is impossible with the Lord. And because nothing is impossible with Him, it is just right for me to already say thanks.
While waiting for the answer to manifest, I will keep on praying for the wisdom to see what needs to be done and the courage to do what is right.
My Mama celebrated her 61st birthday last February 22. Aside from being grateful that I have been given a beautiful, nurturing, compassionate, kindhearted, wise, and prayerful parent, I am grateful that God gave her a second chance in life. “Akala ko nga dati, pinakamatanda nang aabutin ko eh 50,” she said during her birthday lunch.
When I was barely 7 years old, my mother got very sick. I remember going to the UST hospital to accompany her. I was too young to understand what was happening. They just told me that Mama had to stay there to get well. She managed to fight the sickness but it was only mere physical victory. The experience made her emotionally wounded for years.
It’s only maybe 6 years ago when the emotional distance between my parents and I vanished. One late night convo with Ma, I told her about the funny yet shameful things I did in college that I kept from her and she just listened. When she opened her mouth, these words came out, “Naaalala mo ba, nung bata ka pa, lagi kitang pinapagalitan kahit na hindi naman malaki ang kasalanan mo? Akala ko kasi mamamatay na ako. Inisip ko, mabuti nang magalit ka sa akin at isipin mo na okay lang kahit na wala na ako kasi masama naman akong nanay. Eh binuhay pa ako ni Lord. Sising-sisi ako na lumaki ka nang malayo ang loob sa akin.”
We cried our eyes out and hugged each other tight after that big reveal. Imagine, the whole time, I thought I was just a bad kid that cannot get my mother’s approval. A bad kid who pushed away my parents because I thought I’d never be good enough for them! And she thought that my heart was too far to care, when all I really wanted was to be close to her! I am so thankful and grateful that God touched our hearts to stop being afraid, to reach out, to love and love and love until the past can no longer cause us to bleed. It is now a mere dark contrast to the happy situation we are in.
Thank You Lord for constantly reminding me of Your goodness. Thank You for the miracles that You have been showering in my life, even when I was too weak to fix my gaze on You. Thank You Lord for being merciful and giving me innumerable chances. Thank You Lord for Your abounding grace.
Thank You Lord for always feeding my faith. Thank You for giving me opportunities to remember You with gratitude and thanksgiving, for this causes me to really trust– to really believe. *
* inspired by the prayers of Ann Voskamp
// listening to Neon Trees – Baby